Abnormal.

Sometimes I think I'm abnormal. This girl; Always 'hang out' alone and try her best to avoid anyone who know her. She's the most silent girl in her dorm, but always being punished for making noises in her class. She managed to survive the whole semester without having any conversation with her room mate. Well, maybe a few. Some people know her as a bright girl. Always laughing and made stupid jokes. Some people don't even realize her existence, as she's too shy, too afraid to show herself. Which one is it? Enjoying spending time alone OR Succeed in believing that I enjoy that. It's the feel of insecurity and fear of what people see in me. The mentality I put when I look at myself, and see a girl nobody wants to be friends with. An ordinary girl who think that she don't have what it takes to be like other girls out there. I can't be a good friend. I don't know how to give advice. I'm not a good problem-sharing friend. Cause I don't know how to share stories; let alone to give advice. When people share their stories and experiences with me, I feel so excited. In my heart, I want to share my stories too!I have awesome experience too! But the moment I open my mouth,I feel stupid, nothing's interesting. I just don't know how to share stories. So, most of the time, I always listen, respond and smile and keep my stories to myself. What made it more interesting, when I'm around my best friends. I am totally different. I start to become talkative, talking nonsense, acting like a kid, laughing out loud. I became someone who seems to have nothing to worry in my life.Yet again, I talk nonsense, I speak nothing about my own life. Then, I will go back to my room, sit silently for the rest of the week. Talking to myself. It's comfortable being alone. But friends and families are my way to escape of my dull daily life. Stuck in this problem for my whole life is a mess. And I had never asked for help because I always believe I am strong and I can handle everything alone. Nope. I am wrong. Super WRONG.